Some time last week, the President of the republic of Ghana, Nana Akufo Addo pretty much won the upcoming December elections, when he announced that the government would absorb the water bills of all Ghanaians for 3 months, to help them survive the Covid-19 pandemic.
As if that wasn’t enough, late last night, the president further announced that his government would also absorb all electricity bills of people living in rural areas and 50% of electricity bills of people living in Urban areas for a month.
With Ghanaians more than pleased with Nana’s handling of the pandemic so far and his reelection also guaranteed, its time for Mahama to resort to unconventional means to win the election. Here are 5 foolproof strategies we think he can adopt to win the election:
1. Cure the disease or at least find a vaccine
Curing Coronavirus should be Mahama’s number 1 priority at this point. It would be wise of him to sack all his campaign staff and replace them with researchers and scientists. He needs to understand that no amount of propaganda or convincing speeches is going to win him this one. If science doesn’t work, he should probably consult the gods of Nogokpo, Antua, or one of the other shrines in the country. If they can’t cure the disease, they can at least find a vaccine for it.
2. Impregnate 30 million women to raise a voter base of his own
Ghana currently has a population of 29 Million. Assuming all of them are of voting age and will be voting for the NPP, Mahama needs to find some 30 million women and impregnate them ahead of December. If these women give birth early, Mahama will have 30 million new Ghanaians to support him. He will have even more if some of the women give birth to twins.
Granted, newly born babies are not eligible to vote, however, we are sure he can convince the Supreme Court to make make an exception and get these children to vote for. Victory guaranteed.
3. Kidnap every member of the NPP so there are no competitors
Its easy to win an election when no one is running against you. While we would just suggest kidnapping Nana Addo and keeping him in hiding until after the election, its possible his vice or another MP would take his place and go on to win the election. Our advice is therefore for Mahama to execute a “Money Heist” level of operation and kidnap every MP, Minister, and anyone even remotely related to the NPP that could run for president.
With no one left to compete against the NDC, Mahama would easily win the election, since the likes of CPP, PNC, etc do not stand a chance.
4. Change his name to Nana Akufo Addo
This strategy has a small flaw, however, if Mahama is desperate enough, he can change his name to match that of the current president to confuse voters. When Ghanaians go to the polls in December, they will see that two of the contestants on the ballot paper are both named “Nana Akufo Addo”. This will confuse the voters and cause some of them to vote for him.
The flaw with this strategy is that voters would still get to see their respective pictures even though they have the same name. For that, we suggest Mahama gets plastic surgery done to look like Nana and then cut down on his height.
5. Recruit Sarkodie and Kennedy Agyapong to his campaign team
Sark and Honorable Kennedy have a long and trusted track record of winning beefs they find themselves in. If Sarkodie should release 2 or 3 diss songs between now and December and Kennedy should conduct investigations to get some dirt on Nana, we are certain they can turn this thing around.
Of course, Nana could also recruit ANAS and Shatta Wale to his team, in which case the country just go biii.